How to succeed at failing

The train set,
The elaborate fantasy,
that somehow,
I would achieve the same outcome
as Mark’s brother.
Coiffed grassed hillsides,
manicured streets.  
Flashing level crossings.
Everything I aspired to,
but we were not well off.
These things seemed remote.
When I tried to create,
that which I imagined.
The results always
highly disappointing.
My chicken wire hills,
never terraformed.
No paper or glue.
I was immobilised
to do anything about it.
So they remained.
No plaster of Paris poured and shaped,
where would I buy that?
Where was the initiative?
Then there were the trains.
The motors failed.
The brushes, the contacts.
Rusty rails because of the hole in the roof that dripped.
Palsy representations of grass.
The spray glue another disappointment.
The buildings, ok, in stiff cardboard.
But, better in plastic, like Mark’s brother.
Money.
The perception.
Money is the issue.
Not enough.
Always staring at what might be,
with enough money.
Is that a self imposed limitation?
What was then is now?
Why should it be?
It can be different now,
a different me.
This is not the way it has to be.