How to succeed at failing

The train set

The elaborate fantasy

That somehow

I would achieve

The same outcome

As Mark’s brother

Coiffed hillsides

Smooth grassed hillsides

Manicured streets 

Flashing level crossings

Everything I aspired to

But we were not well off.

These things seemed remote

When I tried to create

That which I imagined

The results always

Highly disappointing.

My chicken wire hills

Never terraformed

No paper or glue

I was immobilised

To do anything about it.

So they remained

No plaster of Paris poured and shaped

Where would I buy that?

Where was the initiative?

Then there were the trains.

The motors failed.

The brushes, the contacts.

Rusty rails becasue of the hole in the roof that dripped

Palsy representations of grass.

The spray glue another disappointment.

The buildings, ok, in stiff cardboard

But, better in plastic

Money.

The perception

Money is the issue

Not enough

Always staring at what might be

With enough money.

Is that a self imposed limitation?

What was then is now

Why should it be?

It can be different now

A different me

This is not the way

It has to be.